By Greg Kozera, Shale Crescent USA
A few years ago, I was having a drink with Lyle, a friend, at the Greenbrier after a golf outing. We talked about our families. Lyle had been through some stuff. Years earlier his fiancée told him on New Year’s Eve, “I don’t love you anymore”. She ended their engagement. Lyle was devastated. He remarked, “Greg, when my fiancée left me, I had no idea at the time it was the best thing that could happen to me. Otherwise I never would have met the love of my life and now have 2 incredible children.” Most people don’t like adversity. I don’t. However, I have learned my greatest successes follow adversity. Lyle, didn’t realize his fiancée wasn’t the love of his life. It took adversity and Lyle overcoming it for him to find the love of his life.
Our soccer team finished the high school season in Beckley last weekend by winning the Boys A-AA Championship Game 1-0 in a battle. The sole reason for sharing this with you is to share lessons learned that may help you. Except for 2020, the COVID season, this season was the most unique I’ve ever coached. It was like 3 different seasons. In the first 7 games we won only one game, lost 3 games and tied 3. We scored only 5 goals. Our opponents scored 11. Not a championship looking start. We won our last 7 games including the State Championship game scoring 31 goals and giving up only one goal. It is what happened between the first 7 and the last 7 games that changed everything.
Our four seniors decided in August their dream was to win the State Championship. As coaches because of the way we were playing, we didn’t mention championships initially. This was a young inexperienced squad. They needed to be developed. Coach Joe adjusted training and the formation we played to adapt to our current players’ skill levels. Joe and the other two assistant coaches moved players positions until they found where they best fit. The coaches’ drills built our players fitness level and developed their skills. I worked on our players’ heads. To succeed they had to believe in themselves, their coaches and their teammates. I worked with them after practice. Coach Joe and I worked to develop our senior captains into strong leaders.
In nature, a struggle is always required to succeed. A caterpillar struggles to get out of their cocoon. It is the struggle that develops their strength so they can leave the cocoon as a butterfly. The mother sea turtle leaves the water and lays her eggs on the beach away from the water. When the baby sea turtles hatch, they must crawl through the sand, a struggle for the young turtles, exposed to predators in order to get to the sea. The crawl to the sea develops their young muscles so they can swim.
As a young corporate engineer, I was responsible for sales in a new product line. For six months I did marketing, made phone calls to prospects and did cold calls on offices. For six months all I heard was, “NO”, “Not interested”, “Not Now”. It was depressing. I became a rejection specialist. I did follow up calls with no success. Eventually the seeds planted on my many office calls began to blossom. Finally, I got my first sale and many more followed. It was a long struggle through adversity to finally reach success. The mental toughness I developed has helped me in many ways
As coaches we can’t script adversity into our season even if we wanted to. We can play a challenging schedule to prepare our team for the post season. This year that meant playing four of the top five AAA schools in the state losing all four games. We played teams we knew would be physical. It was important for our players to develop mental toughness along with physical toughness. We fell behind in games and came back to win. The boys learned not to quit even if they were behind.
The struggle through adversity in middle of the season turned into confidence by the last 7 games. We took more shots and scored more goals. The boys developed confidence and a true belief a State Championship was possible. They won the regional championship, a very physical game 2-1 in sudden victory overtime. In the state semifinal they played a team we tied during the regular season. The boys put it all together when 6 different players scored on route to an 8-0 victory. They carried belief and confidence learned from adversity and then success into the State Championship game to achieve their dream of a State Championship.
My friend Willie Jolley wrote the book A Setback is a Setup for a Comeback. Good reading! A setback is temporary. It means we haven’t quit. Setbacks and adversity happen. The people we vote for won’t always win. That has been the case since the founding of our country. True Americans understand no matter who wins we move forward. We can’t protect ourselves and our children from adversity and setbacks. They will go through a breakup. They will lose a game. We teach our players when they make a mistake on the field, “Don’t lay on the ground. Get up and fix it.” A lot of life lessons can be learned through sports. After a tough loss, our players can’t cry and complain, they must shake hands with the opponent who defeated them. The past is the past. We can’t change it. We can only learn from it.
Some thoughts;
- Adversity and setbacks are a normal part of life.
- The past is the past. Learn from it. Let it go.
- Adversity can make us stronger and better. Choose not to quit and move forward.
- Take responsibility for mistakes and results. Don’t blame others. Taking responsibility is taking control.
- We can’t protect people from adversity. Help them to learn and move forward.
Thoughts to ponder.
© 2024 Shale Crescent USA
Greg Kozera, [email protected] is the Director of Marketing for Shale Crescent USA. He is a professional engineer with a Masters in Environmental Engineering and over 40 years experience in the energy industry. Greg is a leadership expert, high school soccer coach, professional speaker, author of four books and many published articles.
